He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. But here's the thing. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. Love does not obligate you to put up with abuse. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? The earliest I can remember was I was about 12. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. Stay in your house or in a hotel. Excellent and professional investigative services. If you have any ideas on how to get through this Christmas, how to choose what to do, or any ideas on how to hold this messy thing, I would be so grateful. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. Avoid open-ended visits with your parents. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. I haven't seen my dad since -- haven't been able to do it. He buys me nice stuff and generally is being super nice. Im 42. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. It is good that you are no longer in the house. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. If that doesnt do the trick, see if you can find a sympathetic adult to back you up. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. Manage Settings Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. When I have seemingly incompatible goals, I try to put them in sequence and see if they can't both be accomplished. Sister walks naked around the house when parents are not around and this is extremely uncomfortable for me. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. But she dropped it as soon as I did, which was within a couple of months. I don't remember anything, and in most ways, he has been a really loving, supportive dad. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. A MAN. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. I am absolutely at a loss. Not even your parents. A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. How old are you? Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive. It's absolutely wrong. When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. I want to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too. I really believe that he will -- even before this happened, he seemed like a person who was partially dead. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. I brought my laptop so I could do some writing I needed to do, and so we could all access the Internet if we felt like it. You can love someone and still have it be the best choice for you to keep your distance from them. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. Read More >. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. ------------------------------------------. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. I first had this feeling when I was around 20. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . And my dad -- the poor, old, broken being -- when my mom confronted him about this (she had permission from me this time), he denied ever having done anything sexually inappropriate with me or my brother. It just means that some things have come up right now that you have to deal with. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). You brought him over." Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? Heres what we know. That doesn't mean permanent estrangement. You dont have to have reasons for your boundaries. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. I get u. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. Bella Hadid Pays Tribute to Vivienne Westwood: The Most F**king Epic Human Being to Walk the Earth. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him hes done nothing wrong (if thats true) and that you love him (if thats true), but you just need him to stop kissing you for now. You are commenting as a guest. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. But his job is finally to look out for me. Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. We all do. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! He's precarious. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. After a few minutes he began touching me again, and it was really making me uncomfortable, and I pushed him away several times, but he continued. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save water because we didn't have a lot of money. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. After all, he helped raise you. I wanted to get some advice on this. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. That's not a normal thing either. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. He'd get a glazed look in his eyes when he was sexually aroused. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. 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