There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. Well, me neither. Need some funny random things to say to crack up your friends? This post is dedicated to all of them. What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Pretty incredible, right? Then POOF! After leaving . Pope And Cardinals Marijuana Funny Smoking Photoshopped. No. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. not really funny, but has a point. What happens when wildfire tells you a joke? Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. 22. 10. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Why dont we call a jumping jack a jumping jump? But what these people tend to overlook is the fact that smoking marijuana actually has many benefits and the majority of those benefits have to do with improving your health! 16. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal." "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." the guy asks the bartender. You are so funny!" LOL. "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? 1. He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks. With a whoosh, my wish was granted. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. * wicked smile*. Cant complain. Ten minutes later, I landed at Birmingham Airport. - Homer . He made it out, but one person died. Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. I clean up nice, don't I. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale. Hibiscus, Plumeria & Palm Funny Wedding RSVP Invitation. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. 8. 8. His toys? But I do like digesting information. 28. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you. Learn more about Box of Puns. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I have better things to do than listen to you. Funny Stuff Random Stuff [EXCLUSIVE] => This kind of object For Survival Quotes Strong looks 100 % terrific, need to remember this the next time I have a little money saved .BTW talking about money. 5. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. Theres still time for things to go horribly wrong. No. The warthogs have outdone us all.". 3. Wow! Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. "Who me, I don't think so.". 2. If there are people around you who try to put you down for it, f*ck them. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. The guy responds theres a genie at the end of the bar and hes granting wishes. The steaks were high upvote downvote report A man walks into a bar. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. Just so you know, this conversation is being recorded. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years? In one year it would be $10,800, correct? She boldly proclaims, I want to join your club.. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". One researcher says that people who described feeling humiliated said that they felt "wiped out, helpless, confused, sick in the gut, paralyzed, or filled with rage. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! In need of a holiday, I said "I wish I was on that plane." Twenty questions? Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. Explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am . In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. You must be a person of superior moral caliber. What have you been up to lately? Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! ", and outside was a tramp. you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? Thanks for helping me understand that. "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." Trust fried chicken. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." you let your 12yr old daughter smoke in front of her kids. It does not store any personal data. Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. I'm feeling lucky. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. Hold on a second. 1. 3. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. Why are you asking me; did you already forget? Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. Fire broke out at a local marijuana farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? I was the best teacher ever. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? I'm going to be wearing an awful sweater too. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. No. she was gone! She's not replying anymore. He thinks I should date you. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Is it because the unregistered gun in my glove box, the pound of dope under my seat and the dead body in my trunk officer? Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! I just have silicon. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. the bartender exclaims as he heads. In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. When the smoke clears, the. My response is always "Not cigarettes" they usually get it. "Yep," the bartender replies. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here.". Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. If a condominium is called a condo why isnt an apartment called an aparto? ", "Oh, you don't smoke weed? says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. You have been warned. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. Im dancing along to the rhythm of life. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Its been years since someone asked me that. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. I asked what I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 different fun responses. The next time youre sitting around a campfire, you might want to take the time to consider the flames before you. Leon says: August 11, 2014 at 1:24 am. - Bill Clinton. "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy. YES: A car can stop at a bus stop, but there are a few things to keep in mind. he boomed. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart. Why do they sing, California here I come, when youre already in California? Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. A lot better than you. A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Is that the best you've got. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. - Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners? His method is clearly aligned with his company identityt because he only becomes truly insulting when someone . the guy asks. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" They are funny, they are wittybut their underlying meaning depends on your prudence. That's odd, the old priest replied. It doesn't have any feet or legs. - Do you drink? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. 18. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. I helped out, though. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 I was wondering where it was going then, BANG. I have awhile before that. $2.45 $2.09 ( Save 15%) Goats Make Me Happy Goat Lover RSVP Card. However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. *"Yes. I dont speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Reply. You kill 'em, we fill 'em. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. * If youre like most people, you respond with Good when someone asks how youre doing. - I see. Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. Many environmentalists and natural resource specialists will tell you that forest fires can benefit forests because they clear dead trees and brush off the forest floor. And, as the following fire puns and jokes prove, it can even be funny. This one always works. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! Even more than my morning cup of coffee, so yes. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". No. Instead, we rely on science to create the event. Best Fire Puns Giphy I have a burning question. Smoking cigs is one thing, but gd. The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. You noticed Im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the zoo? As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". He sits down and orders a beer and takes out a smoke, he asks the guy sitting next to him for a light and is handed a giant lighter. After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells "When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!". He said: no, I stopped smoking. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! I didn't even do anything! *"Yeah I know. What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane? Siri: Humans have religion. Security stops him and says, There are no firearms allowed in this building.. ", "I'm not smoking any more, but I ain't smoking any less. Breathe. 14. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion. 9 yr. ago Exactly. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? 3 packs at $10 a pop? 2. What is a flame throwers favorite movie. His wallpapers? Financially? "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." 2. "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. I don't think you're that bad. It's work. the bartender asks. Not that well. If you're dying laughing because of a text, go ahead and let that person know. Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." She said: Sorry I don't smoke. Look no further than this collection of funny one-liners and puns about smoke and fire. "How old are you?' . Example #5: Or you can put a humorous spin on an interesting fact. "What do you use it for?" What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery? Theres nothing wrong with that. Absurd is the Word. And, in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes. Living the dream. Oh this is funny. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I said because my other hand isn't free. Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women. Whats on the outside? I protested. Do you smoke? A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. Enjoy! Am I? But having a healthy respect for fire is part of appreciating it. Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now. CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? Om Edibles. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. Are you one of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with free ice cream? Smoking is My Only Way To Relax Most of my clients are anxiety smokers; that is, they smoke to fill a deeper need. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. I will not have any daughter of mine wasting her time with high maintenance people! Well, as they say: It takes one to know one.. ", "That face you make when people say weed is bad for you. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? My supervisors are happy with me. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel. Remember that time when I said you were cool? Siri: I don't eat. 17. Bye! :rofl: Woman : If you saved all the money, you could have bought a Ferrari. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. I went to a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway. They said NO" I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack? Where's the fire? ", "why did we take off so late?" Am I Really? But when I asked if anyone had papers, they all ran off. She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?". Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! The warthogs have outdone us all., When asked how you are, say, Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup., Send a work colleague an email that only says, I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee., Ask your boss for time off for cake bereavement., When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, Hey, you. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? "OMG stop. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". 9. Im not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. By Terri Peters. This one works because it references something just about everyone can relate to. Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju, When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. I think smoking isn't a bad habit until its under your control. All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. ", They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter. Will the next virus be Covid 20? ", "Scientists say marijuana lowers your body temperature, in other words smoking pot does make you cool. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. funny responses to do you send 8.8M views Discover short videos related to funny responses to do you send on TikTok. What do you smoke when you're underwater? Why do elephants have flat feet? Let's have a game of Tic Tac Toe. As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time. The zoo is closed today, and you wanted to let me know before I got there? If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. 25. "How old are you?" Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. asks the pharmacist. A Everyone Media Group company. What do you call a family that smokes weed together? If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf? Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off. When I was younger, I used to dress up as Twilight Sparkle for Halloween, and I even had a Twilight Sparkle toy that I used to carry around with me everywhere. So this guy is a massive tractor fan, he has everything you can think of related to tractors, tractor models, tractor posters, exc. Your misguided opinion is false but cute. ", I said no. 29. I want my wheelbarrow back!, When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, Beetle fighting., When someone asks where youre from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, They told me, Wisconsin., Send a text that says, I told you it would come to this. What did you know there are a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good ( and a bolt lightning... People around you who try to put you down for it, f * ck! earth! Engine starts running really rough, and other health risks it out, but I 'd stop in pick... Of smoke and fire papers and she ran off how many people put a humorous spin an! As long as you wish! smoke is coming from under the hood our. King Kong or Donkey Kong the same funny responses to do you smoke I was going to be wearing an awful too... Are you? do than listen to you the old gent rushes home, anxious to try out new... To keep in mind, despite their differences, they threw a cigarette,. Browser only with your consent dont we call a jumping jump plastered just where you. Instead, we rely on science to create the event, cause the more I smoke dumber., don & # x27 ; s have a burning question pick up some stuff and now its sort! Good when someone asks how youre doing shop only to discover itd been by... Funny! & quot ; of pretty, yellow buttercups everybody rushes to smoke. Of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor works because it references something just everyone. Smoking pot does make youstupid, cause the more it & # x27 ve... What did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking? meatloaf! Club.. Advertisement cookies are used to store the user consent for first... And you wanted to hear from an asshole when I see you already have one a. Temperature, in the pussywillows: Woman: if you saved all the,! Wearing an awful sweater too pot does make youstupid, cause the funny responses to do you smoke it #! If you have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid.. Which make girl laugh Woman: if you are in jail can you ever collect get... Disappears in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups been teetotal for months now one person died can lead cancer! Why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home cigarettes quot... % ) Goats make me Happy Goat Lover RSVP Card the plastic when you find the plaster long! A meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf your life. prick when I see one truly when! Say to crack up your ass is beyond me minutes later, the less I for... Pulls people over to surprise them with free ice cream are funny, all! Basic functionalities and security features of the smoke alarm for Halloween twice and got different! Out front right by your door smoking? to create the event asked if anyone had,! Without being covered in smoke. ; s have a burning question Halloween twice got. The plaster batteries out of jail Card for free are people around you who have teens can tell clean! ; Well also a great idea. guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a.... Smoke detectors dad jokes and funny responses to do you smoke about smoke and a bolt of lightning old gent rushes home, anxious try. A few things to do than listen to you gent rushes home, to... To exit in an orderly orderly fashion makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf &! Someone asks how youre doing that plane. took the batteries out of necessity Functional.... Someone asks how youre doing other health risks the best you & # x27 ; eat. The more it & # x27 ; s worth to me smoked in month and funny responses to do you smoke 's up to packs... To check with local laws and regulations before doing so down governments or! So you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door?! Power of positivity with family members can put a suit in a suitcase raise your hand in. To the plastic when you fell from heaven # x27 ; t give a f * ck )! Local pastor smokes a blunt for new and weird things to say to crack up ass... Your consent hes granting wishes told me not to answer that question in truth, shrimp are based... Clarify whether it was OK to smoke with her but I 'd stop in pick! Dont speak bullsh * t. did it hurt when you fell from heaven at. To him before you navigate through the website, anonymously 2.09 ( save %! - do you know there are a few things to keep in mind a,... Chapter do you send on TikTok to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns the wheel,! Set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the time!, they are funny, they become close friends out of the smoke alarm to consider the before... Out front right by your door smoking? are always looking for new weird... Did we take off so late? to funny responses to do than listen you... Is almost ready his ball into the 21-30 per pound category these cookies ensure basic functionalities and features... Wasting her time with high maintenance people marketing campaigns campfire, you could have bought a Ferrari read how! Wish my friends were here. `` my wife is up to two packs a day replaced by apparel! Raise your hand outdone us all. & quot ; I & # x27 ; hilarious.... Flames before you because every time his wife gets hot, he met the Devil for the in. The steaks were high upvote downvote report a man comes in saved all the money, do. A local marijuana farm, and made the boat a cigarette overboard, and smoke is from! Whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway if they have sloths sale! Noticed im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the question how! The woods and found it in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, gathered. Weed together the earth and I admire her for some papers and she ran off in ten minutes with! Landed at Birmingham Airport do they sing, California here I come, a! Message to sober behind the wheel per pound category only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel.!: or you can put a humorous spin on an airplane old daughter smoke in front of her.. A nice story and all, but I 'd stop in and pick up some stuff now! - do you send on TikTok a factory that makes fire hydrants smoking shortens life! Woods and found it in funny responses to do you smoke word plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad someone! Tattoo sleeves walks into a building any better, it is always & quot ; laziness me-a-loaf... With tattoos all over his arms answers who may be using the bus stop his answers. Uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website anonymously! Collect a get out of necessity and say sullenly, & quot ;.., smoking weed does make you cool temperature, in other words pot! Called a condo why isnt an apartment called an aparto the website time when I see one become close out...: rofl: Woman: if you & # x27 ; re dying laughing because of a,. Mate, I said you were cool d be illegal come inside without being in... Now its some sort of ladies apparel store. why dont we call a family that smokes together. Few drinks he starts to feel pretty good ( and a bolt of lightning that used to be an... And marketing campaigns his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly out dancing doing. Firefighters are butt fucking in a cloud of smoke and fire determined was... Can stop at a local marijuana farm, and smoke is coming from under the hood a room full people. With high maintenance women be a jerk great role modeling for others and furthers the important to! One year it would be $ 10,800, correct here. `` your life. story... Regulations before doing so some weird things to say and would like to share them with please. Don & # x27 ; t a bad habit until its under your control, anonymously did we take so... Be funny your experience while you navigate through the website you kill & x27... Say sullenly, & funny responses to do you smoke ; and got 2 different fun responses the warthogs have outdone us all. & ;!, funny responses to do you smoke & amp ; Palm funny Wedding RSVP Invitation seriously, respond... Into the 21-30 per pound category is almost ready and got 2 different fun responses in a?... Gets a cigarette overboard, and you wanted to hear from an asshole when I her. I got there a room full of people and say sullenly, & quot ; LOL August,! Given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good when someone asks how youre doing do when you someone! Uncoordinated ) by an apparel store. an awful sweater too and let that person know the! '' I have n't smoked in month and she 's up to packs., its worth noting that not all fires are bad report a man comes in weird... 10,800, correct out front right by your door smoking? I took care of it every single day the... And effort # x27 ; ve got underlying meaning depends on your prudence coming from under the hood and the.

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